Bye Baby

Bye Baby
I don’t know you yet ---
They say I’ll be able to have another when I’m older, and ready to handle the extra stress
I haven’t seen you yet ----
They say you’re just a speck of tissue, you can’t feel, or see, or reason, it’s a safe procedure  - I’ll be home for supper, only a little discomfort, only for a day or two --- then, I’ll go on with my life, like nothing happened.
I haven’t told anyone yet ------
Not Mom n Dad, not even “him” - he’s not ready to deal with this - we aren’t even going steady - not really… I like him, I do, but we can’t bring something this serious to our new relationship - he’d get mad, then, I’d be alone.

… well yes, you can talk to me about it, but don’t expect me to change my mind. I’ve talked with other girls that have gone thru the same thing, they did it on Friday, and were back in school Monday - don’t have to tell parents, don’t have to pay - they’ll help with everything…..

…Ok, I’ll have the ultra-sound - just to make sure everything’s ok for the procedure -
Really? I didn’t know you can hear the heart-beat this early… 
Really? I didn’t know the brain is processing already…
Really?  My baby can move those little fingers and toes?  It isn’t just tissue?
It isn’t just a mistake? It isn’t the only way to deal with this?  I’m NOT alone? 
I’ve needed someone to talk to, someone to help me make choices, give suggestions - I didn’t know where to turn, I’m so glad I came here. I’m ready to go now,  ready to make a fresh start, make some of my 1st life-long decisions -
Oh Baby, I almost ended our relationship - just as it’s beginning. I still don’t have all the answers, I’m not sure where we’ll be in 6 months. I might not be able to stay with your dad, but I’m gonna stay with you!

Where's REAL Mom???

Mar 11, 2011
I’ve got a Mom, Dad, two sisters, tw brothers, dogs, - no cat - sometimes I wonder where my REAL Mom is at.
Does she have blue eyes or green, does she like to wear a hat?
I just want to know stuff like that.
I remember…… least I think I really do, about my first Mom & Dad and a big dog too.
Some days I feel angry, or just left out -
Mom says she understands when I yell or pout.
I love my family, that I’m sure, its just when I was young is all a blur.
I really don’t remember what the house looked like, or my favorite toy, or playin in the yard, or feeling like a little boy.
Mom doesn’t have pictures of me as a baby, so if she doesn’t know, everything is just maybe…
I don’t know if I loved her as much as I should - and if she loved me, was I just not good?
Where did she go when she left me? Did she cry all day? Do I have brothers and sisters that live far away?
Sometimes I just want to know.
Mom told me its ok, maybe I’ll find out when I’m older, but come on, I’m 11 - I’m way past her shoulder!
Kalamazoo, or California, its all the same. I’d look for them if only I knew their name…
For now, I just have to know I’ve got Mom and Dad’s love, and a place to call mine.
They’re family enough, we’ll be just fine J

The Holidays are Over

Well, the holidays are over, gotta put the tree away
It’s great to hang around with friends and family - making preparations for that day

We had great fun - kids were a delight
Being together and laughing - well, maybe one little fight

Christmas came so fast, we hardly had time to shop ----
Then just like that, it was New Year’s Eve - the year too soon will stop!

Take time to remember why CHRISTmas came to be -
With God’s gentle spirit leading, you’ll be blessed, wait n see

And when we make our new year’s resolutions - all those promises declared -
Make knowing God a little more one you’ll keep and share.

So Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, have a sweet Valentine’s too
Start each day with prayer, and may God’s blessings rest on you!!!

Ahhhhhhhh, the Holidays

I heard a song this morning, by Steven Curtis Chapman - part of it was -
“I was the kid in the home, red hair, no family of my own… what I need for Christmas is a home…”
ohhhh that’s beautiful, take this sweet soul in, and their life will be changed forever… that’s the picture I had too, then we started our family. Our house did NOT look like a Rockwell painting.
All around us we have biological, adopted, step, extended family, church family, even in-laws - With our blended families, we should be able to show our love and appreciation, but it seems like the holidays bring out the sibling rivalry and selfishness.
When we’re young, we take the older generations for granted - after all, they’re kinda screwy, and totally out of touch with the “real” world. They just talk and talk, and get in the way….. As we get older, we should learn to appreciate what they’ve done for us, and try to follow their example. But it seems like that’s where the splits come - I needed this, you never did that, you won’t listen to me… I wonder when the perfect age will come that both will see the other’s efforts and accomplishments ---
We have become family, biological or not. We pour our hearts into their well-being, growth, trying to give them fond memories of their early years ---so many choose to walk away. That’s the part I don’t get ---
There are as many ways to tear apart a family as there are family members. When we bring a child in to the family, we have high hopes for their bright future --- unfortunately, they have to accept it, and work toward it. Some just feel it’s beyond them, and fight against the possibility of living in our society… we will forever be thought of as the “pretend” parents, not really knowing what to do for them cuz they didn’t pop out of my body. Honestly, the geography of gestational growth doesn’t give a person the ability to make all the right decisions on behalf of the one they carried.
We’ve tried advise from teachers, church and family members to come up with the best plan we could - and still, they have to accept it, and know they are worth it - no strings attached, no taking it back…. We can force our beliefs and rules on them for a time, but they ultimately have to accept limits, and choose to cooperate with someone…
I’ve gone through the list of things I’ve done wrong, push them too hard, not expect enough. Some days, I feel like I’ve failed miserably, but I try not to stay there too long - there are no guarantees with kids, and I’m not the only influence in their life. Having teens keeps my prayer life active!  I’m learning to give it to God a little more each day.
What DOES help for now, is to let them know we are praying for them, and they are WORTH it.
Here’s to the holidays!
Pray we all survive to the New Year!!!

Fall has arrived

    Just before the snow falls, before the temperature drops, take a minute to enjoy the colors all around us. It seems each neighborhood has its own personality. Our trees are just starting to turn, across the street, the trees are orange and yellow, and down around the corner, the deep reds are flying in the wind already.
   Oh no, it's the weatherman ---- this guy thinks he knows what he's doing, and just said we're in for a snowy winter - most percipitation for the last few years -well, I'm still going to believe we're having a mild winter - I'm just gonna believe it til I'm proven wrong... we've had more than 1 year that the trick-or-treaters had winter coats under their costume. I just don't want to go through it again this year.
   Soon we'll have to cut plenty of wood, gather all your blankets, find your gloves and boots - but for today, enjoy all the colors and the bright sunshine God made just for us!

Going to the Fair

    Going to the fair... Everybody within 50miles (slight exaggeration) goes to Centreville the third week of September. The most traffic we've seen around here since last year.
  We wait in line, get across town, wait in line to get through the gate, follow the line of vehicles around the dirt trail, out to the old field, and finally find the parking spot for us.
  Check list - money, sunglasses, coat, camera, chap stick, gum, cell phone, keys, tickets for wrist-band.  Now, that's just for me, when the kids were little, the list went on and on...
  For the last couple years, it hasn't been such an exciting idea, but when I was a kid, the fair was second only to Christmas.  Our family was involved in 4-H. We took livestock, wood working, crops, ceremics, cooking, etc. It was fun trying the different craft and hobby projects. One year, I even sewed an outfit - I started it, but I'm pretty sure Mom's stitches held it together. We'd get our projects displayed and judged, then, we were off to the rides!  When I was in my early teens, we spent as much time there as our parents would allow.  We saved up all summer, and spent most of our hard earned money right there. 
   I still can’t believe the torture my body withstood – corn dogs for lunch, french fries and elephant ears for supper, and riding rides until they shut them down. One of my favorite rides was called the zipper – it was like the ferris wheel, only the wheel wasn’t round, and each car flipped over frontwards, or backwards as it pleased as the track went faster and faster. We were strapped in, and our little cage had bars to hang on to as we flipped over and screamed. The last time I rode it, our door wasn’t latched tight – each flip, it seemed to open a little bit more. My screams to the carny were covered by all the screams from the other riders, so he was oblivious, and I was petrified!  We did make it to the end, I told him we almost died, and he laughed! Go figure – he didn’t take me seriously and shut down the ride right then. Well, the perfect ride wasn’t so perfect after that… I still like the scrambler, and tilt-a-whirl – they stay close to the ground, no need for a roll bar.
   One year, Phil and I took 6 kids to the fair. We had a double stroller and wagon. What a workout!  We started the adventure like Mom and Dad did with us. We would go through the animal barns, craft barns, got some food, ride the rides, then drag back to the van and collapse!  We had a plan, but the plan didn’t include rain. We made it halfway to the rides, and the flood gates burst!  Trying to get our little train through the crowd was an effort, then with the rain, the wheels got stuck in the mud. The kids cried, the rides got shut down and we called it a night.  I’m so thankful we didn’t wait until the last day, and that my husband was brave enough for part two of the adventure. We didn’t take any chances, we went straight to the rides. After we survived that, it was time for food. Whew! Sometimes, making a memory wears me out!
  We have plans to go tomorrow with our younger two boys, daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. It’s not supposed to rain, but we’ll probably ride rides first just in case.    :)

Grandma and Grandpa's House

Grandma and Grandpa’s House
I drive past their old house almost everyday. Sometimes I can’t help but think back to when we were little kids running around in the back yard.
The house looks different, its had a few owners since Grandma and Grandpa Reed moved to Sturgis all those years ago. They’ve replaced the porch steps we used to play stone school on and remodeled the inside, it doesn’t have the console stereo under the window, or the piano in the toy room. It does have a young family living inside for this first time probably since mom and her siblings were there. They decorate for the seasons and have the front curtains open. There are toys in the side yard, and maybe even a dog.
When we were young, we’d stop in after church, and have a big cookout once or twice in the summer with cousins, aunts and uncles and playing baseball in the back yard. Now, there’s another house in the back yard, and different neighbors all the way around.
I didn’t know every neighbor, but we sure had fun with Mr. Swihart across the street. He enjoyed it when we came over to visit - we’d share a story or two and he shared his treasures with us. More than once he’d collect his loose change, and let us go shopping with it - I remember one time, he gave us strict orders to go to the dime store and bring back enough for everyone to have a treat. We had a blast! Just walking up town was our adventure.
Tree lined streets, and saying “hi” to everybody along the way - we didn’t know them all, but they knew we were little Reeds, and would say hello. Uptown was only a block of buildings, but they were wonderful. The variety store had steps by the windows that we just had to go up and down each time, the barbershop sign really twirled its red and white stripes, the drug store had a pillars, and boardwalk doorway. Inside was everything - prescriptions, soda fountain, cards, hair ties, and shoe polish - they could even develop film.
The stores were known by their owners - Morhart’s Variety, Mable’s Five-n-dime, Root’s Drugstore, and Uncle Jerry’s Dry-cleaners (probably everybody didn’t call it “uncle” Jerry’s). across from Uncle Jerrys, was the library and community hall. The coolest thing was the entrance - it had an outside stairway - we’d race up, lean over the ledge to say “hi” to people walking by, and race down before they could get to the other side.
The names were even fun to say - Maurice Hecht, Robert Root, Sparky Burnside, Nadine Garner, - not everyday names, but when you say them, everybody knows who you’re talking about --- the Reed brothers were known too - some stories can’t be retold in front of the young, or timid… Ira, Bob, John, Ken and Clayton. Uncle Clayton went to college - guess he didn’t want to continue farming. Grandpa and a couple of the brothers owned a car dealership (that’s how mom and dad met - a whole story in itself). Uncle John changed the way the river runs thru Burr Oak, and developed a neighborhood. Grandpa and his girls started the school reunion and were the committee for the festival in the 70s.
Oh my, I’m getting old… I wonder what the kids today will remember about Burr Oak. Hopefully more than closed store fronts and people moving in and out of town before you know their name. Isn’t if funny after something is gone, you remember why you liked it in the first place. When I was young, I didn’t realize how special it was. I sure hope my kids smile when they think back on the days they went down the street to visit Grandpa and Grandma in Burr Oak.